This Is It
by laurenmdean
Summary: Spencer Reid is finally realizing his worst nightmare is coming true, but, will his team be there when he has to fight his biggest battle yet..?
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1:**

**Only the Beginning, Only one who Knows: **

Spencer Reid walked in the BAU. His bag thrown over his shoulder and his eyes turned toward a book that was balancing in his left hand, because the giant cup of coffee was taking up the entire right palm. Only glancing up to slip through the door into the bullpen, he noticed, no one else was here. He looked around, and there was no sign of JJ, Morgan, Hotch, anyone. He continued to his desk and shrugged his shoulders; _maybe they are just running late this morning. _Reid reassured himself before settling down in his giant spiny chair, book in hand. After reading over one hundred pages, Reid glanced over his book at the wall clock, which was hanging crooked on the wall. So, he got up to straighten it out, but when he did, he couldn't move his feet, like they were super glued to the floor. He tried and tried but couldn't get anywhere. "Hello?" He called out, only to now be standing in the conference room where they reviewed their cases before boarding the plane. Everyone was sitting around the round table. "There you guys are, I thought you didn't show up for work today." Reid sighed, letting a smile slip across his face. But, when he looked closer at his teammates, their skin was pale and they almost looked, dead, indeed when JJ turned to face Reid, half of her face was missing. Reid screamed loudly, only to wake himself up in his bed. He was covered in sweat and he was chilled to the bone. He moved the covers to the side, and let himself slide out, onto the cool tile floor. His stomach felt in knots. _That seemed so real. _He told himself. As he rose from the floor, the mirror on the side of the room came into view. _Maybe just one peek. _He shrugged as he approached it cautiously. Only to realize, his face was in one piece and everything was where it needed to be. He let out a sigh of relief and headed to bathroom to shower for work. But as he was peeling off of his clothes, he noticed a spider on the corner of his sink. He flicked it away, not thinking anything of it. Only when he pulled back the curtain did he realize there were millions of the spiders crawling right for him. He let out a yell...

"Someone HELP ME!" He yelled. A strong hand fell on his shoulder and he jumped.

"Kid, kid?" He heard the familiar voice of Morgan breaking through his scary thought. When Reid finally came to, he was sitting at his desk, and Morgan and JJ were hovering over him.

"Sorry, I must of fallen asleep." Reid apologized. Morgan looked at him worried,

"No kid, you were just sitting here talking to us, and you kind of zoned out I guess." Morgan stated, looking at JJ who nodded in agreement.

"Oh sorry, I was just, thinking about something, concerning another case. Will you please excuse me?" Reid lied and slipped right past Morgan and JJ and headed to the mens room, where he climbed in a stall and locked it. He sat on the top of the toilet seat, curling his legs up under him and rocking back and forth. _It's not real Spencer, none of it is real, it is your head, it is trying to mess with you. Nothing is as it seems. You need to pull yourself together, go back out there and act like nothing ever happened. _The voice kept talking, even after Reid had covered his ears.

"Stop." Reid finally said aloud, only to realize there was another person standing right outside of his stall.

"Reid?" Morgan questioned. "Reid come on, open this door, I really need to talk to you." Morgan banged on the door hard. "Answer me Reid." He yelled, banging harder on the door, making the hinges squeal in pain.

"Leave me alone Morgan, just please," the tears began to fall down Reid's face as he came to the conclusion he had always dreaded, "go away." Reid had realized he was having a psychotic break, a schizophrenic break.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2:**

**Do you really have my back? Or are you going to stab me when I turn around?**

After what seemed like an enormous amount of time, curled up on the toilet, Spencer lowered his feet down. The voice had stopped, and he was alone in the bathroom with nothing but the sound of the dripping water from the faucet. He stood slowly, making sure that he was quite in his moves. He unlatched the door, and opened it slowly. But when he did, he got a little surprise. Morgan was sitting on the floor, his phone open in his lap, and he was fast asleep. Reid couldn't help but let out a little chuckle at the man sprawled out on an unsanitary bathroom floor, obviously worried about him. Reid slowly passed Morgan and slipped out of the bathroom quietly. Only to notice JJ and Hotch talking seriously on the platform in front of the round room, _a case? _Reid thought, but his mind soon changed to _I have to get out of here, to go somewhere else, _and without another word to anyone, or even grabbing his bag, Reid slipped out of the bullpen and into the elevator (which he was usually scared of, but in this instance, he needed to get out fast.)

It seemed like it took ages to reach the ground floor because the elevator kept stopping and picking more and more people up. Reid tried to wiggle his way into a corner so he could see everyone around him clearly. On the third floor a woman entered, who usually, would give Reid a smile and a nod, but not today, she looked rather, mean. Reid smiled at her, and she scoffed. Or at least he thought she did. Reid stayed huddled in the corner until the elevator finally opened its doors on the first floor. Ignoring his car in the parking garage, Reid exited the building in a rush, and began to run towards his apartment, bumping into people, and knocking a stack full of papers out of a woman's hands didn't phase him, he just needed to get back to the safe darkness that he has been living in for the past couple of weeks.

He reached his apartment, sweaty and out of breath. He ran up the many stairs as quickly as he could, and when he finally reached his door, he unlocked it and jumped inside, closing the door quickly. He threw his keys and his cell phone on the table right next to the door, and headed straight to his room. The usual neat apartment, stacked with books and posters of prodigies, was now messy and disheveled. The posters had been torn down, and the shades were messily pulled down. The books lay on the floor, like they had been thrown off of the shelf. Reid stalked to his bed and flopped down face first, not even bothering to remove his shoes or his messy tie.

"You know you can't run away from me." He heard the child's voice ringing in his ears. "I am with you every where you go." The child giggled. Reid turned his head to the left, and there stood a small blonde little boy with freckles and large glasses. His head cocked to the side, staring at the tired doctor.

"What do you want from me?" Reid asked the little boy. Who in turn put his hand on Reid's head.

"I want you, to die." The little boy laughed and disappeared in the blink of an eye. Reid let out a frustrated groan, and closed his eyes, drifting into a long sleep.

Reid opened his eyes and flew up violently when he heard the hard banging on his front door. He raised his tired, dead body off of his bed, and rubbed his eyes. He stalked over to the door, still half asleep, and opened it. Standing there was a very worried, very scared Morgan. Who in turn grabbed Reid into a long and very tight hug, only before shoving him back and looking at him very sternly.

"Where have you been kid?" Morgan asked a mix of anger and worry in his voice.

"I left work, and I came here and slept." Reid answered without an ounce of emotion in his voice.

"Yeah, I recall you locking yourself in a bathroom stall." Morgan retorted, "You remember that?" Morgan asked Reid as he slid past him into the apartment.

"Of course I do Morgan." Reid answered.

"Yeah kid, well that was four days ago." Morgan stuttered, astonished at the lack of emotion in Reid's voice. Reid looked at Morgan, a sense of panic rising in his throat.

"What do you mean?" Reid asked. His throat felt suddenly very dry. He walked over to his small kitchen table and sat down, as Morgan studied him very closely.

"I hate to have to ask you this kid, but…" Morgan stopped as he approached a now, astonished, and very pissed off kid.

"What Morgan? What are you going to ask me?" Reid began to yell. "About if I have been using again?" Reid was now standing up, in Morgan's face. Morgan was slightly taken aback, and stepped away from him.

"Well, have you?" Morgan matched Reid's tone, making the china on the walls shake a little. Reid, now very mad stalked past Morgan and towards the door, he reached it, and opened it.

"I want you out." Reid said in a very stern tone. "NOW." He yelled. Morgan obliged, leaving the apartment without another word.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3:**

**Someone needs someone to look up to, even if they don't believe it.**

Reid's phone kept chiming. He didn't want to look at it, knowing it was from Morgan, or someone on his team. He had thrown it across the room after Morgan had left. He also tossed one of his kitchen chairs across the room, and broken all the glass trinkets on his wall. Not knowing why, he slumped down and cried for thirty minutes, scared out of his mind.

"You cry because you are sad?" The little voice piped up next to Reid. The little boy was sitting crossed legged on the floor next to the motionless figure of Reid who nodded his head in return.

"Yeah, I am sad." Reid finally sniffled out.

"I know something that can fix that, it is in the bathroom. You want to go find out what it is?" The little boy asked looking at Reid, who was now rising off of the floor and towards the bathroom. The little boy was already sitting on the side of the bathtub when Reid arrived and turned on the light. "Open the back of your toilet Reid, trust me, you are going to like the surprise." The little boy beckoned, smiling and giggling a little. When Spencer opened the back of the toilet there was a plastic bag floating in the water, and he immediately recognized it as his Dilaudid stash, with his extra needles. "Just do it Spencer, you will feel so much better." The little boy egged on. He watched as Spencer took the bag from the water and shook it a little to get off the extra water. As he removed the drug from the bag, he grabbed one of the needles as well. Reid looked at the little boy who was leaning over and getting closer to Reid's hand.

"I don't want to do this." Spencer said, sobbing lightly.

"Do it now, Reid, or you will pay." The little boy's voice was now deeper and scarier. Reid put the needle into the bottle, and tipped it upside down and drew the liquid in. He then tipped the bottle back down, and put it on the floor, the fresh needle in his hand. He flicked the area on his arm, and he jabbed it in, letting out a slight grunt, and injected the solution. He removed the needle and instantly felt the warm feeling washing over him, the comfortable feeling of himself floating on a form of blanketed cloud. He let his hands drop to his side, and his eyelids close quietly. As he slumped down, he saw the little boy holding his face. Calling his name, as he slipped into a drug coma he whispered to himself,

"This is how it ends, all alone."

Reid slowly opened his eyes, only to see the little boy still standing over him, yelling at him.

"Reid? Don't do this to me man!" But the voice was different, more familiar. It took a second, but Reid finally realized it wasn't the little boy at all, but Morgan, slapping his face and tugging on the collar of his shirt. Reid didn't have his bearings to say anything, and knew he had to have been out for only a few minutes, because he still felt the high. "911, yeah, I have an agent down. His breathing is raspy and irregular. He is unconscious on his bathroom floor. I need paramedics and for someone to alert SSA Special Agent Hotchner of the BAU. Hurry." Morgan yelled once more before clicking closed his phone. He looked back down at Reid and realized his eyes were now open. "Reid, man." He sighed. But realizing Reid was not really able to focus, he pulled his head into his lap and stroked his messed up blonde hair and wiped away the sweat on his forehead.

"Morgan?" Reid questioned. Not able to move anything on his body, all Reid could do was lay there.

"Hey pretty boy. I am here, don't worry, nothing is going to happen to you." Reid could tell all the disappointment in Morgan's voice, but what shocked him more was that Reid felt something wet splash on his forehead and realized a tear dripped off of Morgan's nose.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4:**

**Will everything _ever _be ok?**

The constant beeping is what made Reid's eyes fly open. But the light right above his head made him shut them almost immediately. This drew the attention of someone next to him, because he heard a chair scratching the floor as it slid out from under the stranger.

"Doc, I think he is waking up." He heard Morgan's hopeful, relieved voice comment next to him. Reid heard the footsteps coming into the room. Only then did he open his eyes slightly.

"Mr. Reid, can you hear me?" The deep voice chimed in. Reid just nodded his head, his eyes still adjusting to the bright light above him. But, he realized he couldn't talk, he began to fidget slightly, feeling his mouth.

"No Reid you can't touch that." Morgan intercepted Reid's hand before it had a chance to grab the tube that was protruding from the young doctor's mouth. Reid squeaked loudly, trying to get his hands free from Morgan's grip. He then saw the doctor standing over him, and felt his stronger hand on his shoulder.

"Don't worry Mr. Reid; we will get someone in here to take that out right away." The doctor was yelling it like Reid was deaf, and this made Reid stop moving. Reid heard a ton of feet moving towards his bed, and a pretty nurse was soon standing over him.

"Ok Reid, someone is going to pull the tube out of your throat, but, I want you to cough while they are doing it, it is going to feel _very _uncomfortable, but it will be over quickly, ok? Can you nod for me, letting me know you understand?" She looked into Reid's scared eyes as he nodded. She stepped back and lowered the back of the bed all the way up so Reid was in the sitting position, and there were two more nurses on each side. Some holding down Reid's shoulders and some placing a bucket underneath his chin. "Ok, you ready, one, two, three, cough." The nurse instructed Reid, and he obliged, but it was more of a wet gag than a cough.

When the tube was finally out of Reid's throat, they put on an oxygen mask, only the nurse noticed Morgan's worried looking face.

"Don't worry hun, we do this will all the patients that have been intubated, just to let the lungs get used to breathing again. He will be on it for about twenty minutes, and then I will be back in to check his vitals." She smiled widely at Morgan and turned to prance out of the room. When the sounds of her shoes finally faded away, the room remained quite. Once again the only sound was the beeping. Reid's ears began to burn, as he slowly turned to look at Morgan for the first time since being in the hospital. Morgan was sitting near the end of the bed, staring at Reid with wet, tearful eyes. Like he was thinking of something to say, but everything wasn't strong enough to describe the emotion running through him at the moment. When Morgan had finally made up his mind, Reid noticed it in the way his face changed.

"How could you?" Was all Morgan managed, taking Reid off guard who was prepared for a verbal assault. Reid sat stuttering for a minute while he noticed a fresh tear fall down Morgan's face. He let himself lean back, and decided to give it a moment to respond. When Reid was finally ready to say something, he looked straight into Morgan's eyes and uttered,

"You don't understand. You never will." With this Morgan launched himself from the chair and was at Reid's side in the blink of an eye.

"You know what _Reid _I will **never **understand how you could do that to me. You're right, but I do understand something very clearly." He paused and looked away for a moment, and Reid was now looking in the opposite direction. "I understand that you no longer trust me enough to tell me when something is bothering you, man, I thought we were like brothers. But," Morgan stopped again and wiped the newly forming tears from his eyes. "I was wrong, so, so wrong." With this, Morgan stalked over the chair, grabbed his jacket off of the back and stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind him. Reid sat for a moment, thinking about what Morgan had just said, and out loud he made a deduction,

"He hasn't called me by my name in a long time, not out of anger." A wave of guilt washed over him, as the tired began taking hold. He leaned back and closed his eyes, and was soon in some form of sleep.


End file.
